On strength and happiness

Some of the many thoughts of the journey:

What do I want

Normally, humans want to be happy. At the same time, a great majority has only very vague clue what actually makes them happy, and an even more vague idea how to get it.

Most humans also want to be and often think of themselves as good. They do bad things, but always seek to excuse themselves – it was only this one time and it’s not my fault, otherwise I’m good. In practice most people have no coherent notion of good.

Many humans realise that in order to achieve happiness, keep it and not sway from the path of good, one needs considerable strength. Many succeed in finding decent sources for their strength, too.

What doesn’t work for me

Generally if people don’t know how to get something themselves, they follow someone else. Most commonly people looked for happiness, good and strength in religions. Religions define what is good and give the strength of unshakable belief. They rarely make people happy, except perhaps by bringing some peace and order to their lives, but they promise infinite happiness in the afterlife. Surprisingly many people are satisfied by rejoicing in a promise of happiness in lieu of actual happiness.

But that’s not for me. I think that religions are attractive and truly add something mainly to the lives of those they were made for: the poor and the weak. The promise of happiness after death can only satisfy those who really don’t have the strength, ability or intelligence to successfully seek it in this world, and modify the world so that it makes them happy. Similarly, the strength religion gives is the strength of being a part of a mass, feeling the centuries of tradition behind and firmly believing that what someone else said is right, submitting to a higher power with full trust. It’s a strength for those who can’t figure things out for themselves and stand firmly on their own. The most characteristic feature of all religions, and a symptom of the above, is their representation of the world as an imperfect land of tears and sorrows, a place one needs to suffer through to get somewhere else, better. This seems to be an accurate description of the world as experienced by the poor and the weak – for the strong and the smart the world is usually a pretty nice place one doesn’t necessarily want to leave that quickly. Blessed be the weak. The strong don’t need blessings, they figure out how to get stuff themselves.

As to religion’s conceptions of the good, I’m a philosopher, once you show me one religion with ethics that is actually internally consistent and free of contradiction, I might start considering it.

Various secular ideologies are for all purposes equivalent to religion. The most popular modern one, consumerism, only pretends to place the individual first – they will find you an offer tailored especially for you that will definitely make you happy, but it just so happens that it’s the same offer that made another million people feel equally original. Following trends and fashion gives one the same strength of a herd that religion does. Volumes have been written on the promised happiness of consumption, and I don’t think anyone with a critical mind can seriously claim that what is good is defined by what sells best.

What about systems which emphasise the role of the individual? Rather than submit to the mass religion, perhaps one should seek happiness in private meditation? It certainly means no more submission to other powers. However, the big assumption behind it is again that the world is a horrible place one has to protect oneself against and if possible, get out of. One of the points of meditation is to achieve a state of dispassionate attitude to the world, a state in which nothing can harm one. Which assumes that the world is mostly harmful. Meanwhile, I think that the world is a pretty damn nice place and I really quite like experiencing the passions it brings me. Why would I want to escape from all those wonderful things?

When you look closely at the most established philosophical approaches, you don’t get much further. Granted, stoicism is reflective and individual, but it rests on the same idea of escape from the world’s hardships – apatheia. Epicureism in its pure form is likewise the search of pleasure defined as lack of suffering. Cynicism and all sorts of ascetism require no further comment. Maybe once they made sense, but now – the Western world really isn’t such a horrible place anymore!

What could work

Another option is largely forgotten or assimilated by religions or ideologies. Magic. How to become happy? Burn some incense for Ganesh or place several Mr Happy’s in your room. People do little magic and rituals all the time, be it the morning coffee preparation, crossing fingers for luck or a long shower that washes off the tiredness of the day. The problem with magic, of course, is that it doesn’t exist. A shame, because it seems like a good way of obtaining strength and happiness – it aims at modifying the world not escaping it, and it’s something one can control, not something once has to submit to or become a part of.

What does exist, however, is symbols. Humans are pretty good at symbols, it’s largely what distinguishes them from other animals. And magic does exist in the sphere of symbols. One cannot use magic to change wine into blood, but priests use it regularly to convince people that they change it or that the change is symbolic. Magic creates no things, but it creates beliefs in people who then create the things.

But why call it magic? That seems like good old persuasion and empathy, nothing mystical about it. Of course. But persuasion coupled with ritual works better. Symbols are very powerful things and humans seem to be hard wired to think symbolically. Burning a flag hits much harder than saying ‘I hate your country’, even though it means the same. Rituals do things not to their intended object, but to its symbolic representations, and in this way their working is akin to magic. As a rationalist I laugh at that. But I’m not pure reason and neither are most humans, and what’s beyond reason is subject to magic.

The other problem with magic is that although it works in the symbolic sphere and many people use it in small everyday things, very few do so reflectively. They do it without thinking why it works or how to make it work better. The only really powerful rituals currently practiced are parts of religions or institutions – bar mitzvah, wedding, graduation. And think of all the traditional times in life which were once ritualised but aren’t anymore – people seem to feel the need for something magical to happen, but with old rites gone with the past they can only come up with puny substitutes. Is an 18th birthday party meaningful as a rite of passage to adulthood?

I think that there is a lot of potential in magic which can be used by those who know how. It just needs updating, removing all the outdated symbols that don’t mean anything anymore and substituting them with ones that matter now, for me.

So: magic. But magic is a method, it doesn’t say where to go, only helps in getting there. Is there an ideology which bows to no gods or idols, values humans for what they are and allows them to seek happiness in this world? Go back a few centuries and you get something to start with: humanism. It’s beautiful in its naivete. The world is this fascinating place inhabited by those amazing human creatures, and there is no point searching further: behold human, a subject to no higher power but their own reason and passions. Don’t search for gods. Become one.

I like it. I don’t want to be a happy spirit in the garden of Eden, I’m fine with being a happy human. I don’t want to attain nirvana, I just want the world to be a good place.

How to make it work

Here are the assumptions. The world is a pretty nice place, at least in parts. Humans are can find the best parts of the world and live wonderful, fulfilling lives. It is possible for every individual to be happy in life. It is possible to be good. It is possible to be strong enough to find and maintain happiness. Magic (manipulating symbols) is a powerful method that can help one become happy, good and strong. (Note that all this is consistent with there being a God(s), for what it’s worth. It’s just not consistent with God(s) who wants you to be miserable.)

So what are the purely human, worldly ways to be happy, good and strong? I’m getting there with having a decent idea on what makes me happy. Shortly, in no particular order. Variety, doing many different things. Creativity, making things, events. Making other people happy, giving. A good balance between stability and adventure, having a home, love and security, and travels, parties and new things. Challenges, something to keep my brain stimulated. Good sex with many partners and a lot of variety, to keep my body stimulated. Accomplishment, achievements, satisfaction of a job well done, something to be proud of. Some consumption, because buying nice things creates good memories. Love and the feeling that I matter to someone.

As to the good… I always considered myself a consequentialist, i.e. thought that the moral value of an action is determined by its consequences. However, what I’m writing about below goes better with Aristotelian virtue ethics. I need to think more about it before I can say anything more constructive.

Strength and honour

And now to the point. A lot has been written about happiness and the good, but not that much about the strength needed to get it. Strength is a somewhat dirty notion these days, because it smells of oppression of the weak and elitism. As usual, people are quick to throw the baby out with the bath water and judge separate things as if they were one. There is the strength of those who oppress and destroy, and there is what is best called Gandhi strength. It’s the strength to stand in the right place and not waver. It’s the strength to not give in to bullshit and not give up what one thinks is right. The strength to search for what works for me without simply accepting what worked for others. With no violence.

Equally importantly, I am not after some Nietzschean concept of strength in which the strong have the right to do what they want essentially because there is nothing to stop them. I think that there is morality beyond the law of the fist, and I doubt that anyone who is not a psychopath can be truly happy as a superhuman.

Where does strength come from? The most traditional way of asserting strength is destruction. If I can destroy something then you couldn’t stop me, I’m stronger and others fear me. Moreover, I’m so strong I don’t need that thing either, I can do without it. It works, that’s exactly how the colonialists asserted their power over their colonies, and they won. But of course this has very little to do with what the strength was meant to achieve – the good. Whatever your notion of good, destruction will be hard to fit in it.

There is strength in construction as well – look at this magnificent castle, it’s lord must surely be very powerful! I think that there is a lot in it, and being able to make things definitely makes me feel stronger.

Likewise, there is strength in giving. Generosity is quite like building.

There is the strength of the body, which is both in its muscle as well as its beauty. The feeling of being unshakeable is a very physical thing and a strong, fit body makes one feel strong. Beauty, feeling attractive helps by removing a major obstacle to strength – shame which is associated with weakness. If you love your body, you will walk amongst people with pride, not bend hoping nobody notices you.

There is strength in family, widely understood, in knowing that one is loved, can count on support and if need be, vengeance.

There is strength in wisdom, a somewhat forgotten notion that for some reason also smells of elitism. I think that this is a real shame, I wish to be wise and I want to be proud of that. I think that I’m smarter and more reflexive than many people and I don’t see a reason to apologise for that. I’m not going to rub it in people’s faces, but I`m not going to hide it in shame either.

Finally, there is a notion which despite its amazing importance is a thing of story and fiction. Honour. Yes, I think that this forgotten notion is as powerful and current as ever. You can find bits of it around if you search well, in fact a simplified version of it is on the rise – reputation means more and more, especially on the internet. Honour is what made a nobleman, and although many took it too far, it might have been one of the best things the whole noble culture had to offer.

Honour is about is about doing the right thing regardless of personal gain.

Honour is about not escaping deserved punishment and admitting one’s mistakes.

Honour is about not taking what one doesn’t deserve, or pretending to be better than one really is.

Honour is about not being ashamed to take what one does deserve, and not being overly modest about being better at something.

Honour is about keeping one’s promises and holding one’s word sacred.

Honour is about allowing no one to mess with you.

Honour is about not bending.

The strength that comes with it is the strength of honesty, clarity and deserving everything one gets. It’s the strength of being fair and thus having a legitimate claim to expect others to be fair in return. The strength to look in the mirror and say: I am the person I want to be.

It’s not easy to be honourable in the modern world, because the modern world is all about tolerance and compromise. Old nobility prided themselves in being like iron – they will break before they bend. Not very popular these days. But this needn’t be a problem as long as one accepts that tolerance and need for compromise can count as ‘the right thing’. Yes, it takes away the part of the strength that comes with a blind belief in one’s values, but that was discarded long ago anyway, when discussing religion and need for wisdom.

Magical humanism

Hardly anything new I’m saying, eh? I think so too. Now think how many people actually live by it.

A magical humanist is someone who makes themself at home in this world and doesn’t substitute its beauties with promises of things elsewhere. Someone who seeks happiness, good and strength within, not without. Someone who doesn’t wait for others to show the path but searches on their own. Someone who recognises the importance of symbols and rituals, but instead of submitting to the ready symbols of religions and ideologies, creates their own and uses them in own magic. Someone who has honour and thus strength to keep searching and stand by what one has already found.

Magic and honour, sounds like Dungeons and Dragons. I want to revive them in my life, not as they were once, but adjusted to the modern reality. I want to check what it means to be honourable these days, I want to discover and create rituals that carry the right symbols for me. I started to think of my journey as of one such ritual, a rite of passage. Go and survive alone for a month in a different world. I did. I feel stronger and wiser. I hope this will help me be happier too.